Leadership Skills | All About Being "Emotionally Agile"

May 10, 2015

A Mother’s Love Affects the Brain

No wait! That isn’t a setup line for a punchline. A recent study shows that nurturing a child early in life may help him or her develop a larger hippocampus, the region of the brain that is important for learning, memory and stress responses.

Brain images have now revealed that a mother’s love physically affects the volume of her child’s hippocampus. In the study, children of nurturing mothers had hippocampal volumes 10 percent larger than children whose mothers were not as nurturing. And research has suggested a link between a larger hippocampus and better memory.

One of the study authors had this to say; “We can now say with confidence that the psychosocial environment has a material impact on the way the human brain develops.” Dr. Joan Luby, the study’s lead researcher and a psychiatrist at the Washington University School of Medicine in St. Louis, MO said, “It puts a very strong wind behind the sail of the idea that early nurturing of children positively affects their development.”

What Did the Researchers Do?

Continue reading “A Mother’s Love Affects the Brain”

May 4, 2015

EI and the Collaborative Work Environment

Look. I am here to do a job. I am not here to make nice with everyone.

Have you ever heard that? Have you ever said that? If so, you are probably not alone. But you are also probably a little out of touch with today’s work environment.

Gone are the days when you came to work, closed your office door and went about your daily tasks in the quiet and solitude of your office. Gone are the days when you only ventured out of your office to go to the coffee machine and bathroom. Today’s new office environment is about “Collaboration”. And collaboration is not a solo activity. It is team sport.

The old adage about leaving your emotions at the door before stepping into the office is dead, according to a recent study from the University of Bonn. Published in the Journal of Organizational Behavior in November 2014, the study showed individuals who displayed emotional intelligence—the ability to discern other people’s emotions—were more likely to bring home a bigger paycheck than their emotionally-stunted colleagues. In other words, those that are able to collaborate successfully and positively with their colleagues may be more financially successful.

The New Collaborative Workplace Is Different

There was a certain level of cooperation needed in the manufacturing economy of the past. But that economy was focused on productivity, efficiency, and was largely solo driven work an assembly line. These days collaboration and teamwork are emphasized—making emotional intelligence more important in the workplace. Continue reading “EI and the Collaborative Work Environment”

April 12, 2015

7 Traits of Highly Likable Leaders

I recently opined on the subject of “likability and capability.” From some of those thoughts you may have drawn the conclusion that being likable is not something for which you should strive. That is not the case at all.

Likability is a trait that can be developed. Far too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that being likable comes from natural, unteachable traits that belong only to a fortunate few—the good looking, the fiercely social, and the incredibly talented. It’s easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, being likable is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EI/EQ).

Consider the following traits of highly likable leaders:

Likable Leaders Smile – People are naturally somewhat relaxed by the smile of the person that is speaking to them. If you want people to like you, smile at them during a conversation and they will have a tendency to return the favor. But use your real smile. Not the one you used for your school pictures in elementary school!

Likable Leaders Leave a Strong First Impression – Research shows most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seconds of meeting you. They do not even take an entire minute to make that decision. But do not fear. Just do the things that you mother taught you when you were growing up. Stand up straight, smile (we covered that above), extend your hand for a warm and firm handshake and then look them in the eye with kindness in your own eyes.

Likable Leaders Greet People by Name – Your name is an essential part of your identity, and it feels terrific to you on an emotional level when people use it to address you. Likable leaders make certain they use others’ names every time they greet them. But don’t just use someone’s name only when you greet him. Make it a natural part of your conversation with them following the greeting.

Likable Leaders Ask Questions – The biggest mistake people make when it comes to listening is that they are so focused on what they are going to say next or how what the other person is saying is going to affect them that they fail to hear what’s being said. A simple way to avoid this is talk less and to ask a lot of questions. I first learned this trait from my father-in-law. He was a master at asking the right question at the right time.

Likable Leaders Don’t Seek Attention – Most people avoid those who are desperate for attention. No one like a drama king / queen. Likability and extrovert are not synonymous terms. When you speak in a calming, friendly, confident, and concise manner, you will notice that people are much more attracted to you, attentive to your message, and approachable.

Likable Leaders Know When To Be Transparent – Likable leaders let the other person guide the timing of when it’s the right time to open up. Sometimes we can be too transparent too quickly. But don’t hold everything back. Opening up to others in confidence will give them the signal that they can open up to you.

Likable Leaders Put Away Their iPhones and Androids – This is a tough one. And developing good smartphone etiquette will really enhance your likability. Nothing will turn someone off to you like a mid-conversation text message or even a repeated quick glance at your phone. People can tell when you are checking the time on your phone and when you are really more concerned about your email than you are about them. When you are in a conversation, be fully in it. This is a key one for many to grasp and apply to personal relationships as well.

There are times and situations when emergencies arise. Develop a “signal” with family members and loved ones. Two quick calls from my family means they really need me. And I have had to step away from someone or a small group conversation to respond to an urgent message.

How about you?

Are you a likable leader? How many of these traits come easy to you? Do any of them sound too hard to develop? Each of these are simple behaviors that you can work on and become more proficient. And when you do, you likability will go sky high!

Photo credit: CarbonNYC [in SF!] / Foter / CC BY

April 2, 2015

Beware of the Lure to be Likable

I guess I am still not done with the whole “like-ability” discussion. So, I continue the discussion with a warning to beware of the lure to be likable.

Leaders are often placed under a tremendous amount of pressure to be relatable and to be nice. Many follow the natural tendency to want to be liked because it feels much easier to be liked than to be viewed as capable and accomplishment driven.

Few leaders want to be the bad guy. And those that do want to be the “heavy” are not the kind of leader that I am drawn to!

But as leaders we are expected to make the tough decisions that serve the organization or the team’s best interests. Trying to be too nice can in fact be lazy, inefficient, irresponsible, and harmful to individuals and the organization.

I’ve seen this happen many times in my personal and professional career. Leaders get almost addicted to a sense of being likable. They make a mistake in staffing or in a major decision. This can happen to anyone, and the best way to remedy the situation is to address it quickly. However, despite the obvious solution to the rest of the team, some leaders keep on trying to make it work.

While it is a good thing to follow our instinct to stick to it and be consistent, if you fast forward a few weeks or months, the situation is no better and often worse.

There’s a key lesson here for any leader

Nice is only good when it’s coupled with a rational perspective and the ability to make difficult choices. Continue reading “Beware of the Lure to be Likable”

March 31, 2015

The Genesis Model of Creative Leadership

Creative leaders draw the best thinking out of the individual team members before calling a general brainstorming session.

This is the assertion in Chapter 1 of Tom Harper’s book, Leading from the Lion’s Den. In his book he presents leadership lessons from every book of the Bible. Consider this one from Genesis:

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” – Gen 1:1

Many organizations today foster creative teamwork through collaborative instant messaging, chat windows, discussion boards, and project groups. My company uses a myriad of technology tools as well as recently construction an entire corporate campus to foster collaboration.

Though today’s online cooperation might appear to be a new kind of brainstorming, it is actually based on a tried and true model of creativity. The old standard concept is simple: the best creative thinking is done when individuals have a chance to think before they collaborate.

Not everyone thinks well in groups. The rapid-fire atmosphere of some brainstorming methodologies can be very disconcerting to some otherwise highly creative members of your team. Continue reading “The Genesis Model of Creative Leadership”

March 27, 2015

Overlooking “Capability” for “Like-ability”

One of the biggest problem that I see in many organizations is our willingness to overlook “capability” for “like-ability.”

What does that mean?

It means that many times we are more interested in whether or not our leader is “like-able” and less interested in whether or not they are actually capable of exhibiting and demonstrating leadership. This can have tragic affects

This phenomenon is not as common in the commercial world. The business world often cares much more about whether or not you can do the job than whether or not you can be a leader. There is not often much thought given to how the rest of the employees “feel” about the boss or the leader.

Here is where we see leaders who have progressed through the ranks of an organization and have reached a leadership level through hard work, dedication and a proven track record of success. They have been mentored by other leaders who have proven track records of success. They sometimes just aren’t that like-able. And they often don’t particularly care if they are liked.

To back that premise up, research shows that average Emotional Intelligence scores plummet higher up the corporate ladder beyond the supervisor level. The theory is that people get promoted based upon results, even if their people skills are lacking. As leadership coaches, folks like me are working desperately to change that. But the phenomenon remains.

And I suppose all of this begs a few questions:

Would a leader rather be liked or trusted?
Would a leader rather be popular or right?
Would a leader rather be successful or loved?
Is “like-ability” even something that a leader should be concerned about?

There are so many angles that this thought process could take.

What if . . .

Continue reading “Overlooking “Capability” for “Like-ability” “

March 25, 2015

Strategic Leadership’s Distinct Roles

I have spent a great deal of time in my last few articles camping out on the subject of strategic leadership. We have examined the ancient roots of it. We have also looked at the circle of leadership.

In this article I want to bring the topic to a close and look at some of the distinctive roles that strategic leaders must fulfill. Consider if you will these seven distinct roles for strategic leaders.

Providing Direction — The word “leadership” derives from an Anglo-Saxon word, laed, which means “road, path, track or the course of a ship at sea.” Leaders provide the directional guidance for their followers. Further, they ensure that everyone is moving the the proper direction. Just moving is not enough. We must be moving in the right direction.

Thinking and Planning — Strategic leaders decide the direction through strategic thinking and planning. They go on to develop the best strategy to guide your processes, and then they implement it. Thinking and planning without an ability to execute is ultimately worthless. Continue reading “Strategic Leadership’s Distinct Roles”

March 17, 2015

Is Self-Esteem Affecting Your Leadership?

Leadership is as much about emotions as it is about skills. You can easily gain a working knowledge of leadership and all the “actions” necessary to make you an effective leader by taking courses and by reading books.

However, knowing them and applying them are two different things.

Often, our personal leadership is affected, not so much by what we don’t know how to do, but by what we are unwilling to do. And being unwilling to do the hard things required of a leader is often caused by fear and lack of self-esteem.

Self-esteem has two components: It is made up largely of how we see ourselves and how we see others.

First, let’s look at how we see ourselves. – By definition, self-esteem is about how we esteem ourselves. In other words, it is about how we see ourselves and feel about ourselves when we look in the mirror every morning.

Second, it is about how we see others. – But even that is really a reflection of how we see ourselves. If we envision everyone around us as being smarter or better qualified than we are, then that is perhaps not a reflection of their skills being greater as much as viewing our own skills as being lesser. Size is a relative thing. And if we don’t feel we measure up, everyone tends to look bigger in our own eyes.

Self-esteem has an impact upon how we think, how we feel, how we perform, and our results. It is not a stretch to then say that if the results you are getting from your team do not match your expectations, then possibly the problem may not be with your team. The problem may involve your self-image, your view, and your approach to leadership.

A strong leader must take a good look at their self-image and be introspective enough to consider how our behaviors impact our team.

The following behaviors just may be a signal that your self-esteem is preventing you from effectively leading.

Continue reading “Is Self-Esteem Affecting Your Leadership?”

March 15, 2015

Three Circles of Leadership

A few weeks ago I took a look at the ancient roots of strategic leadership. In case you missed that article, click here and you can get up to speed with my stream of thought that leads us to today’s article.

Socrates observed similarities between businesspeople and generals. Socrates was convinced that a meaningful parallel existed in a businessperson’s focus on profit and loss and the military general’s focus on victory and defeat.

In order be successful as a strategic leader, you must first understand your responsibilities as a strategic leader. Picture, if you will, three interlocking circles: “Task, Team and Person.” Each circle represents an “area of need” that you must master, and each skill contains proficiencies that overlap with the others. Consider these three: Continue reading “Three Circles of Leadership”

March 11, 2015

Livin’ for the moment . . .

I’m just livin’ for the moment . . .

How many times have you heard that? How many times have you said that?

One of the definitions that I found for this phrase is as follows:

“To live or act without worrying about the future.”

So, I could say that I am living for the moment[.] – Period. Full stop.

To live in the moment, or to live in the now, means being conscious, aware and in the present with all of your senses. It means not dwelling on the past, nor being anxious or worrying about the future.

When we concentrate our attention on the present we focus on the task at hand. We give our full attention to what we are doing and we let go of outcomes.

Seizing each moment in life allows us to prolong its value and make it more meaningful. Rather than seeking quantity of time, when we live in the moment we enjoy and savor every minute. We don’t sacrifice quality for quantity.

I am fully onboard with the sentiment expressed in these thoughts. As long as we don’t overdo them with psychobabble that no one really understands. In fact, I can embrace the sentiment. Living in the moment allows me to focus on what is before me. My wife, my children, my grandchildren. The thrust of this is to put away the distractions and focus on what is present and not what has happened or may happen.

Category: Leadership Skills